Like many bloggers, a thousand posts enter my mind in a weeks time. But often I wonder, “what’s really worth writing about?” This blog was originally a blog about adoption and the trials that God used to refine my faith. But as of late, it’s become a blog of random tidbits and the story of our life as a family of six. And yet, I think what most people that read my blog enjoy hearing is simply the beatings of my heart…the things I think about God and the way I’m understanding the life He has planned for me.
The past two weeks have been full of simple joys and difficult pains. The simple joys are experienced as we have been able to return to normal life. After weeks of our family being separated and then weeks of transitioning to a new home and having family in and out, it was so nice these last two weeks to just be us again. The kids have played in our backyard, we took a bike ride to the neighborhood playground and we enjoyed a dinner at the table in our new screened porch. These are simple delights and yet they are what make life feel normal to me.
On the opposite side, we’ve been plagued with sickness this last week and a half, which culminated in a double ear infection for Madden. No exaggerating…on Saturday night Kevin and I got less than four hours of sleep, Madden got, at best, five hours and the remainder of the night was spent trying to calm our screaming 19-month old. To be honest, his uncontrollable crying scared the mess out of me and so, I was actually thankful to find out it was an ear infection. But nevertheless, as you mamas out there well-know, life is just plain hard when little ones are sick and I’ve had my share of weariness in the midst of whiny, uncomfortable toddlers who feel yucky. I keep falling to my knees praying God give me compassion instead of frustration and I’m encouraged to see Him continually supply my need.
Lastly, I’m a little on the lonely side. In all the excitement of a new home, a new church family and really, a new life, I failed to recognize how hard it is to start over in a new place. The hardness is multiplied when the majority of your week is focused on life inside your home and little time is left for forging new relationships. I really miss my friend Melissa. I really miss Ashley and Erin. I miss Lindsay and Christina and Andrea. And I’m constantly reminded how little people here truly know me. But, my friendships in Louisville were seven years in the making and they coincided with some of the biggest events of my life (marriage, child-bearing and adoption). Friendships here are going to take time and I’m so glad to have my Refuge and my Rock in a season of loneliness.
It doesn’t get more honest than this…life here is good…hard…but also good. I’ve never been more certain that we are right in the middle of where God wants us. I’ve also never been more certain of my neediness before the Lord. How precious to me are the words of David…
“But let all who take refuge in You be glad, let them ever sing for joy; And may You shelter them, that those who love Your name may exult in You. For it is You who blesses the righteous man, O Lord, You surround him with favor as with a shield.” Psalm 5:11-12