We have been a family of nine for a little over three months now. Life is as nutty as it ever was, maybe a even a little more so because of some schooling changes we made this fall. But tonight, I chose to linger. I didn’t rush his feeding. I cuddled him when he was done. I talked to him as I gave him his mid-week bath. I soaked in every beautiful part of this gift God so graciously bestowed upon me.
The old me…the very type-A, overly-legalistic and “what will people say?” self could have never imagined the choice I made. But, oh, for more of grace! When Maxton came into our lives, I realized quickly that his life (a vapor just like mine) would disappear soon and that I would miss a lot of it if I wasn’t intentional. After all, the days are full, bustling, often hectic and lingering over a newborn babe doesn’t have much space in my Google calendar app. So I told Kevin one night that I wasn’t going to Wednesday evening church for the next several months. In part, I made the decision for Maxton who is an amazing sleeper and doesn’t really love his schedule to be interrupted. Getting across town on a weeknight in Atlanta isn’t the easiest of feats, particularly with a baby. But mostly, I knew I needed a night to re-center, re-group, be quiet and just be with my baby.
So tonight, I did just that. I made myself an easy dinner while I worked on Mallory’s Christmas Shutterfly book. Then I cleaned the kitchen a bit. Then I went up to Maxton’s room, woke my precious baby and took time to just soak him in. He has the sweetest demeanor I’ve ever encountered in a baby. I love just sitting on my bed talking and cooing with him. I love gazing at his face and remembering how intimately God knows me and thus, fulfilled my desire for just one more baby. I love worshiping my Father as I celebrate this incredible, adorable little life that lay in front of me.
I recognize that to most, my life is a complete anomaly. I certainly never could have fathomed it a decade ago. But I’m so thankful that I know myself and my God so much better ten years later and I know that God is glorified by my choosing to say “no” to one good thing in order to do a better thing. Several older, more mature women in my life have said to me often recently “oh, Laura, that’s for another season. Enjoy the one you are in and take care of those babies…that is more important.” Another season…yes. That season will be here before I can blink and my babies will be all grown up.
For tonight, I’m going to give myself grace and just love this moment, this night…the one where I get to gaze upon my babe and shower him with love, hoping with all my heart that my love opens his eyes to Unfailing Love.
refined faith 